How deep can I go?

What should I write? hmm.. Or precisely where should I begin?

Have you ever feel like you know everything inside out about a subject?
I have, even till now. If you asked me about Christianity (in terms of how should we relate to God) 90% of the time I will have an answer. Why? Because all my life I have been a Christian and my house is a church (literally), which means that my mum and dad are both pastors.

In me, I know what I should do and what I shouldn't be doing, but also deep down in me there is something that wants me to be a bad boy, the worst I can be (the deepest area of sin I dare to go in to). Am I testing God? Or am I testing myself? Am I losing my mind? Or am I just dying to get more attention from God? just like a little boy wanting attention from his father.

I am back smoking even though i don't like it (luckily only around 1 - 2 days a week that i smoke), lazy to pray, basically watching porn and stuff, and many things that i might not recall anymore.
What am i doing? I really don't know.
But God is teaching me something, the fact that I am always aware that what I do is good or bad make me realize that Holy spirit is still with me, reminding me every time i am into something bad or good. I am just felling so lucky that I still know that what I i am doing is wrong.
Many people don't realize what they are doing and when they are told that they are wrong, it is still very hard for them to accept.

Where am I going with this subject? I don't know, what I know is I just want to share this.
I guess the point so far is, God is always with you even in your deepest most secret place or even your most humiliating or worst part of your life, He is there with you.
I just hope one day soon He will help me giving ALL my life (I really mean ALL my life) to Him only.